Day 11 - Conversations in Chaos (Bangkok)

I learned not to respond to anyone asking questions today.  I didn't realize that at first, so I had some interesting conversations.

Shady man: Hey, where you from?
Me: The United States.
SM: American?!  Lucky day!  Today is America special suit day!
Me: Huh?
SM: Today I give you suit for $100.  Come inside now and measure.
Me: No thanks, I don't need a suit.
SM: No?  Do you have a suit?
Me: Yes.
SM: Where?
Me: At home.
SM: Is it Bangkok suit?
Me: No.
SM: Then it is bad suit.  Bad suit mean horrible life.  You have horrible life, goodbye.

Street Vendor: Hello!  Do you like girls?
Me: Uh, yes, I guess.
SV: Great!  I have many to choose from.  You like Asians?
Me: Woah, I don't need a girl.
SV: You already have one?
Me: Yes.
SV: Where is she?
Me: At home.
SV: Then you need a Bangkok girl for tonight!  Boom-boom!
Me: No thanks.

Creepy Old Man: Sir, do you like girls?
Me: No.
COM: Oh, well I have many men to choose from.  Come and see.
Me: No.

Girl at Starbucks: Hello.  Can you help me?
Me: What do you need?
Girl: I am short on cash and cannot feed my children.
Me: Sorry, I only have enough to pay for my remaining days in Bangkok.
Girl: You want sex?
Me: ... (leaves Starbucks)

Backpacker in hostel lobby: Hey man.
Me: Hi.
BPer: Where are you from?
Me: America.  You?
BPer: Canada originally.
Me: You live here now?
BPer: No, I live the path.
Me: What?
BPer: I travel around.  I'm on the path to enlightenment.
Me: Oh, that's nice.  I'm taking a break before starting graduate school.
BPer: Want to hear about the path?
Me: Uh, maybe later.

Me: You look pretty wet.
Hippie girl at Khao San: Yeah, I love the rain.
Me: Oh, so you are intentionally wet.
Hippie: Yeah, I needed a shower anyway.
Me: You don't have a shower?
Hippie: I do, but this way I conserve water.
Me: Oh, that makes sense.
Hippie: Do you have any weed?
Me: No.
Hippie: Me either.
Me: That's too bad.  Good luck finding some!

Tuk-tuk driver: Where you go?
Me: To my hotel. (while walking)
Driver: I take you.
Me: No, I can walk. (still walking)
Driver: You want fun time?
Me: No. (still walking)
Driver: But I know the best place.  Great prices. I know this.
Me: No. (still walking)
Driver: You don't do drugs?
Me: No. (still walking)
Driver: All Americans use drugs.  I know this.
Me: I don't. (still walking)
Driver: OK, want girls?
Me: No. (still walking)
Driver: Boys?
Me: No. (still walking)
Driver: I can take you to gem store with great prices.  I will get you discount.
Me: No. (still walking)
Driver: You will come back to me later.  I know this.

Suit Salesman: Sir, want suit?
Me: No.
Salesman: You have suit?
Me: Yes.
Salesman: Where?
Me: At my hotel.
Salesman: From Bangkok?
Me: No, China.
Salesman: China?  China suits are terrible.  Waste of money.  I get you fancy Bangkok suit for $99!
Me: No, I like my suit.
Salesman: Ok fine.  Wear ugly Chinese suit.  I will laugh when you walk by.