Today was a travel day, but without my normal comforts. It began easily enough since I had packed the day before. I hailed a cab and told him to go to the airport. He refused to turn on the meter and demanded 500 baht. I countered with 100 baht (knowing that the metered fare is 250). He then explained that the airport is 90 miles away and so it would take 30 minutes and he would drive very fast to earn the 500. In other words, he was going to drive 180 miles per hour. I told him 300 baht if he would stop haggling and drive. It worked.
I listened to some really horrible music for 30 minutes (since the airport is not even close to 90 miles away). Then I tried to check in. This is my only flight outside my award itinerary. It's on JetStar Asia, which I had never heard of before booking the flight. For $85, they agreed to transport me from Bangkok to Singapore. What they didn't agree to was to make the process easy or enjoyable. Apparently JetStar has only one flight in and out of Bangkok each day, so they maintain a skeleton staff. That meant only one check-in counter (no self check-in kiosks) and a monster line even 3 hours before. It took 45 minutes to check-in. That included a 5 minute argument about checking my backpack because it was too big. They didn't have a bag sizer, but she said it just "looked big". After placing it next to another man's luggage she let me take it with me to immigration.
Then I waited in the immigration line. Woah. I lost an hour to it. I bided my time babysitting a small child who had apparently chosen me to be his temporary father. When I got to the immigration desk, I gave the child to the security guard and said he had been hanging out with me in line. The security guard seemed happy to have a companion.
I lost another item in security this time. I seem to lose 1 every other airport or so. Korea took my first aid scissors even though the US and Japan had cleared them. Hong Kong took an empty water bottle because it had "residual liquid" inside. In Bangkok, they had a problem with all the coins I had. I had a suspicious number of coins in my bag. I have picked up five or six currencies so far and I guess this was a problem. After inspecting the money, they took just one coin away. I picked up an unknown coin in Hong Kong on the ground that said "fifty cents" and was octagonal. When I couldn't say what it currency was, they took it. Strange.
After clearing security, I headed to the Cathay Pacific lounge to try to talk my way in. I'm not on a Oneworld flight but Qantas owns Jetstar, so I thought I might be able to make it work. To my dismay, my boarding pass was gone. I have no idea where it went since I always keep them in my passport. I had my passport, but no boarding pass. That meant I couldn't get into any lounge since I have to prove I have a departing flight. Normally, you would just go to the airline's desk and reprint it. However, Jetstar doesn't have one. At all. I asked the airport information desk what to do and he said to go outside and start over. Wow, thanks.
When I tried to go to the gate to find a Jetstar person, I needed a boarding pass to get down the stairs. At this point, I was frantic. There was no way I was going to get outside and back in with enough time to make the flight. I went to Cathay Pacific to try and have them phone a Qantas representative to try and get me in touch with someone with Jetstar computer access. They said Qantas agents aren't in the airport until the afternoon. Great.
I went back to the airport information desk and explained the situation. He told me that I would have to go outside and if I missed my flight, it was my own fault for losing my boarding pass. Then I decided to take drastic action. I took the handicap elevator down and jumped the wall to the gate. No one saw me, so I walked to the gate. The Jetstar people were there! But they spoke no English.
First conversation
Me: Hi, I lost my boarding pass.
Her: Yes, boarding pass please.
Me: I don't have it. I lost it at security
Her: You must have a boarding pass to board the plane.
Me: Can you print me a new one?
Her: Do you have a boarding pass?
Me: No, but I have my passport. Can you look it up?
Her: You must have a passport and a boarding pass to get on the plane.
Me: Yes, I understand. Where do I get a boarding pass?
Her: You should have gotten one at check-in.
Me: I did, but I lost it.
Her: Where is it?
Me: At security.
Her: You will need to go get it.
Me: I can't go backwards into security!
Her: Can you get a new boarding pass?
Me: Do you have a supervisor I could talk to?
Her: I don't understand. Who do you want to talk to?
Me: A manager? A supervisor? A boss? Who do you report to?
Her: You cannot speak with the pilot because he is busy preparing the airplane for the flight.
Me: Is there another gate agent or are you working alone?
Her: Yes.
Me: Yes, you are alone?
Her: No, there is another.
Me: Can I speak with her?
Her: Sure, right this way.
2nd conversation
Me: Hi, I lost my boarding pass at security. Could you reprint it for me?
Her: Sure, just a moment. (hands me new boarding pass)
Me: Thanks.
Then it's time to board the plane. I fly coach all the time in the US, so it's not like I'm used to international business class. I'm used to all the usual airplane annoyances. I was not prepared for this. The other passengers were like mindless cattle. Children were jumping on the airplane seats. People were eating Indian food and making the cabin smell horrible. There were people essentially yelling 3-4 rows ahead to talk with other members of their party. I then realized that these were the people who also bought the $85 tickets because that was all they could afford. It was a very loud, long flight. I cannot tell you how many times the PA said: "Sir, please return to your seat. The seatbelt sign is on." "Sir, I am speaking to you with the gray shirt. Please close the overhead bin." "Sir, you cannot leave the overhead bins open. Items could fall and injure someone." "Sir, this is a non-smoking flight." That one made me think. How was this guy going to light the cigarette anyway? A magnifying glass?
Diet Coke was $6, so I slept as much as I could. It didn't help that there was congestion in Singapore, so we were put in a holding pattern for half an hour.
Upon landing, we were immediately sent to arrivals security. I have never seen this before. You couldn't even enter the real airport until going through. Naturally, I was detained for having suspicious luggage. That's probably because I was the only person on the plane with giant luggage since everyone else had to check theirs. Singapore found my liquids suspicious, so they inspected each one. Then they found my coins suspicious just because there were a lot of them. Then my flashlight was suspicious. That one was new. They also inspected my hat.
They let me keep everything, but now I was at the back of the line heading to immigration. That made me an easy target for the health inspector. I guess sick people walk slower? So I was checked out by the health people for signs of disease. I passed pretty quickly.
The rest of the trip into Singapore was pretty straight forward. I rode the very nice air conditioned train all the way in and found my hostel right away.
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